Habits you can reform — and ones you can’t

For the most part, men treat manners like women treat football teams — we don’t know much about them and we’re not pressed to learn. But if your guy’s less than couth, it doesn’t mean you’re stuck with an ape. Men can change — just not too much at once. If your guy’s social skills need a minor touch-up, here’s how to handle it. But if his offensive behavior always puts you in a tight situation, trade him in before he takes you down with him.

Forgive and forget

These types of blunders are more about personal taste than bad manners, so try to shrug them off instead of nagging to get your way:

• You don’t like how he dresses.


• He plays music too loudly in the car.


• He eats too quickly/noisily/unhealthily.


• He doesn’t turn down the TV when you get a phone call.


• You disagree on how much to tip.

There are ways to change his behavior, like offering him a trade of something he wants in exchange for minding his manners. “My boyfriend refused to tip more than 15 percent,” says Mary Stevens from Oak Bluffs, MA. “So we made a pact. If I think the tip should be bigger, he puts in extra cash, and I have to give him a back rub.” But bargaining isn’t necessary. Sure, you could struggle to change the idiosyncrasies that make your man an individual, but he may resent you for it later. So unless his tweaks cause major conflicts (like if they affect your values, relationships with others, or well-being), let them ride. “When you have to do favors to make a point, you’re just making the best out of being bribed,” says advice columnist Harriette Cole, co-host of “Pulse” on XM Satellite Radio’s Take Five channel and author of Choosing Truth: Living an Authentic Life. “You can live with a 15 percent tip.”

Fix him up by toning him down

By any definition, certain behaviors are impolite, so if your guy’s an offender, you can help him become appropriate. Some specific examples of when you can indeed jump in:

• He curses too much.


• His table manners are suspect.


• He makes jokes about your relationship to your friends.


• He makes no effort not to control his bodily sounds in public.

These types of behaviors happen because he doesn’t know any better. In situations like these it’s not what you say, but how you say it. Be honest. If your man is a keeper, he won’t object to a little refining. “Give him a gentle course in manners so he can flow with you wherever you go,” says Cole. Some specifics: Don’t embarrass him by calling him out in front of people. Wait for a moment when you are alone together or can at least take him aside someplace where others can’t see or hear you. It’s not what you say but how you say it. Be honest but use a gentle, non-patronizing tone. A line that never fails is, “Darling, please listen to me for a second. I want to help you see something you may not see. I think you may not have realized how it came across tonight when you were (cursing about your boss/joking about our love life/burping a lot). I think it gave people the wrong impression about you…” Now that you’ve told him what went wrong, he can do damage control — or you two can figure out how to fix it together. If you think he owes someone an apology, don’t be afraid to tell him so. “If he loves you, he should have noticed you don’t talk or behave a certain way, and if you’re meant to be, he’ll take the chance to redeem himself,” promises Cole.

Abandon ship

Forget trying to make a silk purse out of this sow’s ear. Certain behaviors are indicative of deeper problems that won’t be solved by a simple conversation:

• He’s rude to people he doesn’t know.


• He always has to be right.


• He’s immature for his age.


• He belittles you in front of people.


• He’s jealous of your friendships.

This bum from Bumsville is the reason fathers are overprotective. It may seem romantic to date a bad boy who needs fixin’, but this character is broke beyond repair. “I dated a guy who didn’t like my friends, especially the guys,” says Sarah Phillips, 27 from San Francisco, CA. “He couldn’t give me a concrete reason why he didn’t like them, so I dumped him rather than giving up my friends.” It’s tempting to stick with a bad boy, but don’t delude yourself, he’s not going to change. And possessive or disrespectful behaviors are often the first signs that a guy will become emotionally and even physically abusive. Bottom line: You’re too good for him. “It doesn’t matter how cute — or generous — he is, if he doesn’t have a clue about how to talk to you with respect, he doesn’t deserve a second chance,” says Cole. “He is the way he is. Jump ship before you’re locked in.”

I’ve always wondered why smart men and women would choose to walk down the aisle into a marriage they already felt would be a mistake. Your fiancé may be a very nice man, but he may not be the right man for YOU. Deep down, you probably already know. Here’s the pattern:

Q: So, what are the red flags that indicate someone is “marrying the wrong guy?”

Red flags in relationships are problematic actions, attitudes and behaviors exhibited by your partner. But red flags aren’t always so obvious — they aren’t just “bad” behaviors, such as dishonesty or infidelity. Vastly differing beliefs or likes and dislikes (religion, jobs, parenting style, etc.) are another kind of red flag. Whatever kind it is, a red flag should make you stop and think. These warning signs offer clues about your boyfriend’s character. Ignore them at your own peril.

Does your partner have a lot of debt? Does he or she have a healthy relationship with family? Does this person have any friends?

It’s up to you to make the connection between red flags and your gut feelings. We tell people that they can spot a red flag when it causes a reaction in their gut… or that little voice inside starts to speak up. If something feels off, or it doesn’t sit right with you, it’s a red flag.

Q. Why do women marry the wrong guy?

1. They got caught up in the momentum of the wedding until it was too late to call it off. People incorrectly believe that once the wedding date is set, it’s too late to stop it. Several women said they felt they had passed the point of no return once they received that first wedding gift or attended their first bridal shower. A pile of beautifully wrapped gifts does not have the power to keep you from canceling your wedding. You don’t want a set of wine glasses or a wok to dictate your future.

2. Feelings of fear, shame and embarrassment about publicly admitting that getting married was a mistake. Countless women said that their pride kept them from calling off their weddings. Openly admitting that you made a mistake is excruciatingly difficult. But we like to remind women that when that marriage ends (and it will), you will still have to admit you made a mistake, but this time it will be in a room full of strangers, a paralegal, your attorney and a judge. How’s that for embarrassing?

3. Financial concerns associated with canceling the wedding. Numerous women revealed that they were so swept up with the wedding planning, the dress they already purchased, the reception venue that was already booked, etc. and that they did not want to lose all of that money. There’s no question that there are short-term costs associated with canceling a wedding. But there are many more very nasty, unpleasant and complicated long-term costs that arise from not canceling. The fact is, if you cancel your wedding, you are going to lose some money.

Q. How is marrying the wrong guy related to dating the wrong guy? Could online daters use these principles when choosing prospects for their first and second dates?

Marrying the wrong guy starts with dating the wrong guy! Women of all ages settle in their relationships. They know the guy is wrong from the start, yet they remain in the relationship. Why do they do it? Here are five reasons why women date the wrong guy:

1. Loneliness and insecurity


2. Believing that the relationship is the solution to their problems


3. External pressures to get married


4. Thinking that “he will fix me” or “I will fix him”


5. Ignoring red flags and gut feelings

Each individual needs to reflect on what it is they truly value in a relationship. Honor those values. As you complete your profile, be honest and truthful about who you are. Be authentic. Don’t try to be who you think Mr. Right wants you to be. If you embellish the real you, then when you do finally get a date, you’re starting off on a weak foundation. Trust your gut feelings about the men you date. If someone exhibits actions or behaviors that just don’t sit right with you, politely say, “It was nice meeting you” and leave. You might disappoint your date, you might get frustrated, but if you don’t walk away when you first get that feeling… you start making excuses. Then that second date turns into a third and a fourth. Suddenly, out of boredom or trying to be polite, you find that you’re dating the wrong guy.

Q. What’s the difference between normal pre-wedding jitters and the legitimate cold feet indicating you’re about to head down the aisle with the wrong person?

When talking about doubts about a pending marriage, people immediately throw around the terms “jitters” or “cold feet.” They use these terms interchangeably. “Everyone has jitters,” they say. Or, “All brides and grooms get cold feet before the wedding.” We disagree. While everyone might feel nervous about their wedding day, not all brides and grooms are concerned that they may be making a mistake.

If you are nervous or scared because you have temporary concerns about the event (party, reception, bridesmaid, family issues, etc.), you have jitters. If you have doubts about the relationship itself? Then you have cold feet. The following thoughts indicate cold feet:

• I feel like I am settling.


• I don’t like they way I’m being treated.


• I hope our relationship will improve after the wedding.


• I don’t think this person is going to make a good spouse.


• I have to go through with this because we have been dating for so long.


• If I don’t marry this person, I will never find anyone else.

These thoughts revolve around the relationship, not the wedding ceremony or reception. These are not temporary issues and they should not be ignored. This is the REST OF YOUR LIFE!!

♥ Love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person. Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things in which you might be ashamed & being happy that you shared it with them. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with that special someone, but still getting weak in the knees when they walk into a room and smile at you with that wonderful twinkle in their eye!

Love is so many things, but it’s truly the joy you feel in your heart when they are near you, or when you hear their voice, or see their text on your cell, or when you breathe in their breath…  ahh, pure HEAVEN!

You know the type: the average-looking guy who can meet someone new while out buying light bulbs, or the rather plain Jane who comes home from a dental appointment with the name and number of a potential suitor. We set out to discover just what makes these people so adept at meeting others so you can try their best pick-up tips. Here are the four steps to follow when you see someone you’d like to meet and get to know better.

Step #1: Smile and wave

Don’t be afraid to use gestures that say, “I’d like to chat with you” — whether that means a smile, a nod, a wave or just eyebrows raised in expectation. Laura Lewis, 27, from River Falls, WI, recently spent much of her lunch hour in a long line at a bank. But instead of getting annoyed, she got a number from the cute guy standing behind her. “We were checking each other out the whole time we stood there,” she explains, “and just as I finished at the teller, I gave him a big, big smile. He gave me a cute little ‘hi there’ wave, so I busied myself rearranging my wallet until he was free to talk.”

How to practice it: Even though it may seem bold, smiling at strangers is the top way to let them know it’s safe to break through. Try it on everyone and anyone: the bored workers at the post office, a harried mother in front of you at the checkout aisle, or even the toddler sitting in her cart. As you get used to being a smiler, you’ll start doing it naturally — including at the people you most want to meet.

Step #2: Be the one who speaks first

Anyone can talk back to someone, but real people-meeters know the trick is starting a chat out of the blue. Susan RoAne, author of How to Create Your Own Luck and What Do I Say Next?, says the secret lies in seeing the world around you as full of opportunities to talk versus waiting to be addressed by someone else.

How to do it: In order to break the ice with people you want to date, it helps to start with people you’d normally never speak to — say, the married guy in another department at work or a grandma at the bus stop. Since you’re not worried about whether they’ll shoot you down, you can truly be yourself and get used to talking to perfect strangers. “You have to get comfortable doing it, or you’ll hesitate when you see someone in particular who you want to talk to,” says RoAne. “If you have to think about what to say or feel self-conscious, you’ll hesitate and the moment will be gone.”

Step #3: Work your chit-chat charm

OK, what the heck should you talk about? The experts advise finding something that you two share — that could easily be something in your environment, like the weather or the huge new billboard that went up across the street. Or it could be something in the world around you, like a big verdict that was announced on the news earlier in the day or the fact that the next day is officially the longest day of the year.

How to practice it: Work on having an opinion or asking for the other person’s view of things rather than just throwing a remark out there. So if you’re in the cereal aisle, don’t mutter to yourself, “Wow, expensive…” Turn to the object of your affection and say, “Wow, can you believe it? Almost six dollars for this! Is it just this brand or are they all so pricey?” Similarly, if you’re in line for lunch and the folks behind the deli counter are taking their time, don’t just say, “Gee, this line is moving so slowly.” Instead, try to get some playful banter going by saying, “I’ll bet you a little bag of chips that we’re not out of here by 1 p.m.” The idea is to open the door to a chat rather than just tossing out an observation.

Step #4: Then… stop talking!

Bill Keith, 29, from Hudson, OH, has a knack for charming everyone around him. He says his secret is knowing when to stop yapping and start listening. “People aren’t used to having other people really listen to them, so that’s how I win a lot of people over,” he says. So whether he’s remarking about an old Madonna song that just came on the supermarket muzak (which is how he met his best friend) or asking someone at Starbucks which shaker has cocoa and which has cinnamon and whether really makes a difference, Keith opens the door to a chat and then shuts his mouth. His new acquaintance walks away feeling connected since Keith lavished on some personal attention.

How to practice it: Next time you start a conversation, make an effort to ask the person you’re chatting with at least three questions before making another observation of your own. That will get you in the groove of letting the other person open up to you… and it shows your level of appreciation for what someone else has to say. And when people feel appreciated, chances are, they’ll want to continue that conversation.

 EVERYONE WANTS TO BE APPRECIATED. JUST LET HIM/HER KNOW JUST HOW MUCH THEY ARE APPRECIATED 

Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available

We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation. Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says. The more you engage in and enjoy your life, the more he’ll work to be a part of it.

Dating Mistake #2: Trying to Rehabilitate a Bad Boy

Ending a relationship is rarely easy, and though flying solo might not be your long-term goal, being on your own is better than feeling alone in a relationship with someone who treats you poorly. Even when it might be tempting to give a toxic romance one more try, knowing when to cut your losses and move on leaves you available and baggage-free when the right guy comes along.



Related: 25 things that keep him hooked and happy

Dating Mistake #3: Looking for Perfection

Encouraging you to settle isn’t our style, but separating your desires from your deal-breakers can give your love life a major upgrade. “There are some qualities that your mate must have—being honest, for example—and others, such as movie-star looks, that should be thrown in the would-be-nice category,” says Elizabeth R. Lombardo, Ph.D., “Sit down and realistically figure out what characteristics are nonnegotiable and then be open-minded about the rest.”

Dating Mistake #4: Feeling Sorry for Yourself

Resist the urge to bemoan your single status (which will only make him wonder why you find yourself such terrible company) and use this time to date yourself. Taking a dance class at the local studio, hitting up the exhibit you have been aching to see and trying out the new wine bar on the corner will not only offer you the chance to have more fun but will also leave you more likely to meet someone who shares your interests. So much better than sitting in your apartment waiting for someone to “wink” at your online profile picture, isn’t it? Another bonus? You’ll have far more interesting things to talk about over dinner than what your boss made you do on your lunch break last Friday.

Dating Mistake #5: Knowing His Thread-Count Before You Know His Phone Number

Getting it on with a sexy stranger is your natural-born right, but according to many guys, it can be the wrong move if you’re looking for long-term love.

Follow the advice of super-sexy leading man Gilles Marini (he was Samantha’s sexy neighbor in Sex and the City: The Movie): “Men love women who respect themselves and who do not rush into bed with them but instead go on a few dates, where they can start to gain an understanding of each other and then decide whether or not to take things further. Women need to know that taking it slow and getting to know one another is the best way to get into a good relationship,” he says.

See our tips: 12 things guys wish you knew in bed

Dating Mistake #6: Being Too Selfish in Your Relationship

One of the downsides of being independent is that it can lead to some self-absorbed tendencies—a huge turnoff for men looking for a serious relationship, says Ming Gregory, a professional matchmaker at Color Blind International Dating Service. So make sure you’re giving as much as you’re receiving in your next relationship. “A partnership involves two people who share mutual interests and mutually benefit one another,” she says. “It’s not just about what being with him can provide you; it’s about how you can come together to complement each other.”

Dating Mistake #7: Believing in The One

“A lot of women make dating more difficult by placing so much pressure on themselves to find the one-and-only-man-in-a-billion they believe is right for them,” says Ali, 35, from Gaithersburg, Maryland.

Instead of convincing yourself the ex you dumped was your soul mate or that perfect-but-married co-worker was your one that got away, take a cue from our male counterparts and approach the dating scene with the idea that there are plenty of men who are capable of making you laugh, sharing your values and melting your heart, and you’re going to have fun with several of them until you find one worthy of your commitment.

Dating Mistake #8: Forgetting Your Manners

We can’t imagine this is something you’d ever do, but a little reminder never hurts: Say thank you.

“Good manners have become so old-fashioned that men now wait for the thank-you at the end of the date as a way to see if she’s worth seeing again,” says Brian, 30, from New York City. “I don’t care if the woman looks like Kate Beckinsale and has a Ph.D.; if she can’t be bothered to utter those two little words, I am never calling her again.”

It’s no secret that guys aren’t the best at articulating what they’re thinking.  They’d rather bend the truth a little than risk letting you down and you’re left with a baffling, cryptic code to decipher. We got guys to let us in on what some of their most said phrases really mean. There are 4 things he’ll never open up about.

1. He Says: “We should hang out sometime.”

He Means: “I’m afraid you’ll say ‘no’ if I ask you out.”

2. He Says: “I’ll call you later.”

He Means: “I may or may not call you at some point between now and three months from now.”

3. He Says: “My ex is crazy.”

He Means: “I messed her up, and she got upset.”

4. He Says: “That guy seems like a good friend of yours.”

He Means: “Was there ever a thing between you?”

5. He Says: “It’s a long story.”

He Means: “It’s a story that makes me look bad.”



6. He Says: “That’s a new look.”

He Means: “You look weird.”

7. He Says: “Why are you being so emotional?”

He Means: “Why are you acting like a psycho?”

8. He Says: “That’s not what I meant.”

He Means: “That’s totally what I meant, but now that I see you’re mad, I wish I hadn’t said it out loud.”

9. He Says: “It’s fine.”

He Means: “It’s not actually fine, but I’m in no mood to discuss it.”

10. He Says: “Can we talk about this later?”

He Means: “I never want to talk about this again.”

And there you have it! But keep in mind this interesting talk versus walk fact: Women prefer to bond with their partner via conversation, while the majority of men would rather engage in activities together. So next time, when you feel the urge to bond over a deep discussion, try planning a fun activity together instead. (Cosmo)

I’m not going to lie: A man boasting abs chiseled to perfection and biceps that pop just enough when flexed (without shredding shirts He-Man style) will no-doubt turn our heads. And even if caught mid check-him-out glance, we’re not about to look away. Fit, toned bodies are the result of hard work and dedication to a healthy lifestyle. We certainly pay homage to that. But for a man to achieve a skyrocketing score on the sexiness scale there’s got to be more to him than physical assets. Throw in these seven traits and he’s guaranteed irresistible.

1. He Has Mastered The Wink. We don’t know how they learn the technique but some guys really have the Richard Gere wink down pat. There’s an art to this wink and getting it right can be tricky. It’s more suave and smoky than cheeky and laughable. He’s comfortable giving this signal and has the timing to the tee. Done right, this move is pure sexy. Caveat: The wink can be tricky to pull off. Practice first.

2. He Radiates Calm. It’s sending shivers up our spine just thinking about how powerful a man’s calm presence can be. Neurotic or hyper or frenzied is stressful, no matter how busy the man or what his excuse. But if he’s got cool written all over his face and his gaze is pure steady and peaceful his sex appeal will shoot through the roof (think old-school James Dean). We women can unwillingly fall into the trap of over-worrying about things we can’t control. A man who sets us at ease by reminding us how things always manage to work out in the end is absolutely hot.  

3. He Takes Care Of Himself. Look, we’re not saying it’s a certain height or build that matters. If he keeps his body in relatively good shape this shows us he knows how to take care of himself. It also clues us in that he sets health as a priority. What’s more, if he’s active, working out even a few times a week, the endorphins his body is producing during gym sessions are sure to keep him in good spirits and energized. The bottom line: If he takes good care of himself he’s likely to take good care of his partner (or at least help keep her motivated to do so). That’s a turn-on.

  4. He’s Got Style. We don’t want to give the wrong idea here. This is not to say he has to be one certain type of style, and that mimicking a prescribed “it” style is a surefire path to sexy (whether that’s clean-cut, tattooed-up or punked-out). Not at all. Rather, what’s attractive in a guy is that he has a style at all, a way of dressing that reflects in some way who he is and what he’s into. A guy who wakes up hum-drum and throws the same dingy shirt and pair of jeans on every day? Not sexy. At all.

5. He Has A Manly Scent. Sounds so animalistic, we know. No man can control his natural scent, and it turns out our DNA compatibility dictates who smells good to us, anyway. But, every guy can augment his essence with a spritz (one will do just fine) of cologne. As long as it’s not overdone, a man with a strong scent has the potential to drive women wild.

6. He Is Affectionate. Though we women try not to let on, affection (be it an arm around the shoulder or hand on the leg) lights us up like fireflies. Consider it your secret weapon. By affection, we do mean to include expressing your feelings through words, such as “I love you.” It’s amazing how many hot men fall short of sexy just for lack of articulating and showing their love. Let’s put it this way: There are guys who reach out to their partner while driving, and there are guys who keep both hands on the wheel and eyes straight ahead. The lads of the former group qualify for sexy.

7. He Laughs Loud, Hard, Often. No news flash here. Comedy is highly enticing. It’s worth noting though that there are different types of humor. The insecure comedy that’s based on putting others down or calling them names doesn’t gibe with us. But give us fun-loving, belly-jiggling jokes and laughter and you’ll head straight to the top of the sexiness charts.  (Your Tango)

I’ve written numerous articles and posts on difficult people, personalities and relationships: Everything from Manipulative Marys to Bullies in the workplace to people who break boundaries to toxic relationships.  Let’s face it:  In life, we come across all kinds!  As humans, we often focus on those who are negative or toxic leaving it difficult to appreciate those who are positive and healthy.  Seeking out individuals with healthy, positive traits, however, may do a lot of good.  The more we can surround ourselves with those who are positive and healthy, the more we may model those positive behaviors.

If you really think about it, once in awhile you come across a person who knocks you off your socks…legitimately.  Maybe they have a fantastic outlook on life, even during difficult times.  Maybe they are really humble, although they are extremely gifted.  Maybe they make you feel special.  All of these are good.

Below, I’ve listed some of the traits I admire most in people.  Although I could probably list a dozen characteristics, I thought I’d list those that seem to be the rarest or most difficult to find.

1. Selflessness: In a world where many people don’t have the time or the interest in others, selflessness is a quality that seems to be less and less common.  People can be selfless in the time they give, the ability to listen, their level of patience and the love that they give.  Those who are giving and generous in nature have the power to make others feel loved, appreciated and special.  While those who are self-absorbed tend to do the exact opposite.


2. Tolerance: Those people who are tolerant make us feel comfortable with who we are and special as individuals.  All of us are different, and many of us have quirks and idiosyncrasies.  After all, these differences make the world go round.  Having the ability to accept people for who they are and not expect them to be who we want them to be is important in life, happiness and in the health of our relationships.


3. Genuineness: Having the ability to be real, authentic and honest is unique in a world where we put so much emphasis on the superficial.  Feeling comfortable in one’s skin and being true to one’s self is one of the most beautiful traits one can possess.  To have a REAL relationship with someone requires honesty…it requires hearing and giving input or feedback that may not always be popular…it means having the strength to tell it like it is and to not be afraid to face the consequences for doing so…it means loving people for who they really are…deep down…and not for what they appear to be.


4. Sensitivity: So often we are focused on what is important to ourselves that we can forget about those around us.  Those who are sensitive are often thoughtful, appreciative and loving, in a way that makes you feel understood, valued and respected.  Often, sensitive people are also self-aware, making them mindful of how they impact others with what they do and say.


5. Integrity: Call me cynical, but I think this characteristic is especially difficult to find.  In a time when people will do things that are underhanded to make an extra buck (Bernie Madoff…can you hear me?), expose their personal lives to the public so they can be famous (balloon boy’s dad and any other reality TV mongers) and do what feels good in the moment without necessarily thinking of the consequences (Tiger Woods), integrity is a characteristic that is especially unique today.


6. Humility: Whether someone is super-smart, extremely talented or drop-dead gorgeous, there is something extra special about them if they don’t come across as though they know it all the time.  Humility in those that possess extraordinary traits make others feel special too.

Oh boy the list could go on!  What characteristics do you admire in others?  Are there any that you want to cultivate?

VALENTINE’S DAY is just around the corner for all you lovers in the Universe… the simplest things can be the most cherished & adored. It is truly what you can give w/ your creative mind & heart. You don’t need to spend a lot of money. Just think: special & unique.

See this video:  a table set w/ roses or a single ROSE, a bottle of champagne, strawberries, cherries, choices of cheese, a box of chocolates, valentine’s heart candies that have messages written on them, a card w/ sentiments of love in your handwriting, a candle w/ a fresh scent,  a Romantic Comedy film, sexy background music, a nice massage w/ unscented oil,  a nice compliment or two about her/him at an opportune moment. For example:  if you paint, paint her something unique & personal. If you write music, write a song.  If you play piano or any musical instrument play for her.  If there’s a possession of yours that you don’t mind parting with, and you know she would cherish it, present her with that gift.

Use your mind, your heart, your senses… & it’s all FREE. The only thing it costs is your time, which is precious.